Kinda care, kinda don't.

This is either going to hit home for you...or not. This is 100% my opinion, it really does not have to be yours (much like the rest of this site). 

I have kinda...sorta...stopped caring about feedback from auditions. HOLD ON. Don't freak out. Let me explain. 

I am very very grateful for the auditions I have. I am also aware how hard I work for them. 

(( very fucking hard ))

Often times after an audition my managers and/or agents will follow up with the casting folks and get me some feedback. This is nothing crazy, pretty typical. Sometimes you will actually get some info. Most of the time you won't. But it's usually some kind of reasoning you did not get the role. 

I used to live and die by these comments. I would hold on to each so dearly and use it to fuel and inform my next audition. But then I would get another note from the next one, and the next, and the next. Did they all compliment each other and make sense together to make me a better actor?

Fuck no. 

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Let me give you an example: I went in for a reoccurring role in a new cable show last year. This was a really ideal role for me. I worked SO so hard on the audition. I paid to get coached. I messaged around and found the pilot via friends of friends. Like, I was READY. I went in for the audition itself (got a full on blow out too, I looked good) and I felt so great about my work. I got a second round to play, which I enjoyed. 

My feedback came back a few days later, "she did fine, she was way too big though." They didn't mean fat, they meant like my acting was a little over the top for the show. It was a super hero show btw. So. Yea. Whatever.

Ok check, I can handle that. Noted! (Even though they could have given me this note/direction between takes at said audition....but it is what is is.) I found out a friend of mine went in for the same show a week later. And here is the note they received:

"Not big enough, this needs to be as big as possible."

So you see my problem yet?

I am not saying critiques or feedback are totally useless and that everything I or anyone else does is so perfect. And I do love that my team follows up after an audition because I think that is important. But sometimes they honestly just aren't helpful. Your creative brain is so clouded as is if you're anything like me. 

So take your feedback like I take my tequila: always with a grain of salt (Tequila is also helpful in general, just a side note).